Life After Divorce

Being on your own after living as part of a couple takes some getting used to, especially if the split is not of your choosing. You may think that you have enough to cope with but soul-searching is an important step in helping you to move on.

You need to examine your past relationship/s and think about what went wrong. Be completely honest with yourself. The breakdown of a relationship is rarely down to one person. This exercise will probably be extremely uncomfortable but you need to know if there is anything you could have done differently so that you don't make the same mistakes again.

Think about the following:

How often did you really sit down and talk about your feelings?

Can you name five things your ex is passionate about?

How often did you go out together on a 'date'?

When did you last have fun with your partner?

What is your idea of fun?

Is it possible you stopped trying to look nice for your partner?

Were there things that changed when you had a son?

What could you have done differently in your relationship?

What interests did you have in common?

Did you adapt your personality to suit your partner? (Not necessarily a good thing!)

Were you compatible in the first place?

What frustrated you most about your partner?

What do you think frustrated them most about you?

Do you have any new ideas about why your relationship broke down?
What would you do differently next time?

Now that you are on your own you have time to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. Firstly you need to make a life that you enjoy as a single person. Until you like yourself you will not be happy. You cannot rely on anyone else for your happiness. This is something you have to achieve for yourself. So, decide how you would like your life to be and take steps to make it happen. You can do, be or have anything you want.

1. Find a new special friend. Be open to the channels of love. Let your family and friends help you get back in the game by doing some blind dating or speed dating. You can answer a personal ad online or in the newspaper. When you have allowed yourself to meet that special someone, you will find that your life will pick up where it seemed to fall apart and you may have your happy ever after.

2. Make new friends. You can try the Internet. You can go online to find someone to talk to and become good friends. This person can be male or female. If you want to reach out for serious friendship you should to spend more time with friends and family. They can introduce you to new people.

3. Get a pet - dog or cat or any type of pet that will comfort you and be there for you. You can try with the shelters. They have animals that have been abandoned and they will bond with you. You are more likely to bond with them because you can understand their situation.

4. Find a new hobby at your church, within your community, or within your home. Find new things to learn that you can do by yourself. Learn how to sculpt or do pottery or learn how to write. Anything that you can shift your attention to will be a great thing.

5. Turn to religion. There are many ways that you can use your faith to help you through divorce. Faith is what grounds us. When your heart is broken, you can use your faith to give you strength to help you connect back to yourself.

6. Write a journal. You can build a new life for yourself if you are able to write down your feelings and things that you would normally keep to yourself. You will be surprised at how writing it down on paper can help the situation a little more.

7. Start exercising. You can do many different exercises. You may join a gym, a healthy club or a spa to get some of the exercise. You can also start running or walking. You can exercise with a friend to make it more fun. With the right exercise plan, you can transform your body into a new person.

8. Listen to music often. A lot of people turn to the power of music to help them cope. It can be the ballads, rock music or gospel music. Singing is another great way to find a form of release through hard times when going through a divorce. Listening to some great tunes will help a person stay focused and secure in their life. Listening to the right music can help a person feel better and more confident in life.

9. Go to the mall and buy some outfits. You are no longer married, and nor should you look like it. You can wear the tighter shirts and the shorter skirts. You do not need to go from conventional to streetwalker, but if you spice up your wardrobe you will feel better about yourself. When you wear things that are beautiful, you will feel beautiful.

10. Stay away from romance movies. Stay out of any movie theater or renting any video that has any type of romance in it. You will only be making your situation worse if you do this to yourself. You will want to watch movies that are upbeat and positive.