When thinking of divorce, you might not think of the emotional stress and negative feelings that will come after the proceedings are completed and you are ready to move past the battles of the courthouse. During the divorce proceedings, men tend to focus on winning assets or trying to gain custody. It is only after the process is completed that divorce help for men related to mental and emotional health becomes a consideration.
Problems that Arise:
After the divorce, many men experience certain problems. The most common is depression or negative emotional feelings. This is common of anyone going through a divorce or who has recently become single as a result of a divorce.
Another issue that many men face is ignoring the feelings. Divorce is a negative situation and men need to recognize the feeling to start dealing with them. Since many men ignore the depression or try self-medicating by drinking or smoking, the situation often worsens before it gets better. Fortunately, divorce recovery for men is possible with a little help and guidance.
Moving on after divorce is the best thing for any man. Drowning in alcohol or taking on more work will only push the feelings to the side and make it harder to move one. Moving on is difficult, but it is possible to get through and start working on a brighter future.
Divorce recovery for men starts with acknowledging those feelings of depression, loneliness or general negativity. Noting the feelings and accepting that they exist makes it easier to move on.
The next step is discussing the feelings. Even just telling a friend, parent, sibling or even counselor that the divorce is hard can ease some of that pain. Healing from divorce for men differs from women because it is challenging to talk about feelings. Taking a little time to even just mention them is often enough to start working out the feelings and get past them.
Another option for men who do not feel comfortable discussing the situation with close friends or relatives is getting involved in a network for men who have been divorced. Whether it is an online forum or a physical meeting, knowing that you are not alone can help improve the situation and make it easier to let go of the past.
Once the negative feelings are acknowledged and under control, it is time to work on redefining yourself. Overcoming divorce for men means letting go of the identity that is associated with the ex-wife and allowing yourself to change.
Explore yourself and start getting out more. Take up a new hobby or try an activity you've always wanted to work on but never got around to. This helps create a new identity from the role of a husband that has nothing to do with the ex-wife and everything to do with yourself as a person.
Building new friendships can also help in the process. Since many men might not feel comfortable with friends who are associated with their ex-wife, building a new friendship can help get through.
Life after divorce for men can be many things, depending on the situation. It can be a relief. It can be horribly sad or any number of other emotional upsets. Every man's divorce is different and personal. Regardless of the feelings that arise for men after divorce, every divorced man must find a method of moving on after divorce.
Much of the divorce recovery process for men will depend on the length and depth of their marriages. That includes discovering life alone after divorce. Given enough time, it feels impossible to live without someone to whom you were married. After divorce, reconnect with your own individuality. Spend time doing things you love to do.
Divorce recovery for men does not necessarily mean erasing all traces of their marriages. During the course of a marriage, men change and grow. Some of these changes are positive and should be embraced. Therefore, it is important not to try to become the person you were before your marriage, but to find out who you will be in your life after divorce.
Some of the emotions of divorce may make it difficult to go familiar places and see people that bring up thoughts of the marriage, whether they are negative or happy. Initially, it helps to avoid these places and people until life has become fulfilling enough again to buffer those difficulties. Later, start seeing those people and going to those places again so life after divorce does not entail hiding.
Talking to other people is a major healing mechanism for the emotional pain of divorce. Start by talking about the divorce with sympathetic friends and family. Discuss anything you are thinking or feeling. When you are done getting it all out, start talking about unrelated things. Eventually, conversation will serve as a distraction. Finally, these conversations will go back to normal. You will not feel the need to distract yourself.
A particularly difficult divorce can leave a man feeling lonely, depressed and unable to function. The automatic reaction would be to wallow in self-pity. Do not do that. Continue your life after divorce. Go to work. Go to parties. Go to family events. Celebrate holidays and birthdays. Seek professional help if you need to, but do not give up.
Friends may try to convince you that going to bars, meeting new women, being promiscuous and essentially acting like a bachelor again is the way to go. The sentiment is absolutely right. However, the methods may be off. Alcohol is a depressant. Rebound relationships almost never work and baggage should always be checked before entering new relationships after divorce. Eat healthy, exercise, love yourself and then you can love another when you are ready.